i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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