i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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