my mouth tastes like poor choices
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
