that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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