I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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