My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
