i don't like sucking hair
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
