The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.