i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
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you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The convent might be a nice break from real life