She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.