you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?