Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.