Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
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I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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