well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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