somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
