So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
