Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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