I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
