I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
