then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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