My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
