Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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