I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
