Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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