Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
