My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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