So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
