I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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