i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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