I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
