Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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