For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
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I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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