Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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