so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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