Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
