Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
