i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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