I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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