My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
