I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
