apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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