Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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