the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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