How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
