i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
