these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
