yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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