never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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