No more Irish car bombs ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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