Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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