How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
