I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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