He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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