Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
