I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
