Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
