I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
