You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
