if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think people are normalizing furries
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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