Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
smell my finger.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
