Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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