sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
tell me about the eggs
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
