this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
