I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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