Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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