wakey wakey hands off snakey
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
