somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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