Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
